Tuesday, 21 August 2007

Dr Phineas Waldolf Steel

Previous visitors may recall information posted here about evil geniuses and how to develop the necessary skills in one's spare time:

Here is a man who may have read this article and taken it a little too much to heart - the website of Dr Phineas Waldolf Steel widely proclaims both his insanity and his unashamed desire to become World Emperor:

Hello, my name is Dr. Phineas Waldolf Steel and I'm crazy. At least that's what they tell me. It's a real load off of my mind too. I mean you can get away with pretty much anything if you're bonkers. It really relieves a lot of pressure and responsibility for me.

What I've noticed about being insane is the fact that most people really don't want to acknowledge insanity. You can walk down the street talking to yourself (or little dancing bears that no one else sees) and people violently avoid eye contact. "Keep walking, don't look at the crazy guy. Act like you don't see him." You become invisible because people just don't want to deal with what they don't understand. Life is too busy to try and stop someone from having a conversation with a fire hydrant. And being crazy isn't illegal. You won't even be placed into an insane asylum unless you try to hurt yourself or others (note: that also includes trying to burn down your ex-employers toy company).

There are a lot of things I like about being crazy, but one of my favorites things has to be the fact that I don't have to be anything that the world expects me to be. If I feel like crawling around on the floor and barking during a business meeting, so be it. I'm nuts. If I feel like spouting off conspiracy theories involving the Alien Illuminati or that I will one day become World Emperor, then that's just to be expected. After all, I'm complete wacko. and it's rather convenient.

But really, we shouldn't be too critical of this character. Its wackos like him who construct vast armadas of armoured aero-mobiles crewed by brainwashed morons, which naturally provides heroic adventurers like ourselves opportunities for glory, excitement, medals and seducing beautiful women. So do your career a favour and like the good doctor's website suggests:

Support Dr. Steel's plans for world domination today!


Don M said...

As we used to say in the
artillery, " that guy is
about a half a bubble out
of safe".

I am going to use this one
though as one of our gaming factions is a rather nebulous collection of mad scientists
and anarchists....he should
fit right in.

One more thought, am I the only
one that the good doctor reminds
of the lead singer from DEVO?

Tas said...

We used to use that saying too (in Field Artillery)

Dr Steel is an intriguing character who will do doubt be making an appearance on my gaming table too! Who else makes your lists of crackpot and mad geniuses?

P.S. Whip it - Whip it Good!

Tas said...

I was fortunate (and honoured) to have the good Dr respond to an email in which I asked about his rather fantastic wardrobe. He wrote back;

"My dear Paul,

Thank you ever so much for the delightful transmission. I am ever so glad to hear that you have been enjoying my special brand of madness as well as my particular sense of fashion.

My entire wardrobe has been, and continues to be, designed by myself and produced by my personal seamstress Paloma C. You can visit her website at www.palomadavid.com .

Regarding my spectacles, while the story of how I encountered this particular pair is quite complex as it occurred during a mystical and spiritual awakening too long to explain in this correspondence, I would suggest that you search for vintage driving glasses or vintage work goggles. I am certain that similar pairs do exist in the world.

Thank you again for the kind note. I look forward to taking over the world with you in the near future.

~Dr. Phineas Waldolf Steel"

Don M said...

Dr Steel is an intriguing character who will do doubt be making an appearance on my gaming table too! Who else makes your lists of crackpot and mad geniuses?

There of course the classic archetypes like Professor Moriarty,
Robur the Conqueror,Captain Nemo, Doctor Moreau to draw from.

Our group has left this somewhat vague at the moment but,watch this space I'm sure it will soon get out of hand....)

Tas said...

Today I received the following communique:

My dear Paul,

Thank you ever so much for the posted propaganda on your fine blog. I do so appreciate it and hope that the madness fills the eyes and ears of the masses.

~Dr. Phineas Waldolf Steel

Anonymous said...

I'm afraid the writer of this article has spelled the good doctor's name incorrectly. His middle name is listed as "Waldorf" while in reality is is "Waldolf".

Best Wishes
One of many Toy Soldiers

Tas said...

Dear Anonymous Toy Soldier,

Thank you for bringingthis key peice of information to my attention. Another insidious plot by the Illuminati to discredit the good Dr has been defeated - Huzzah!

Hail Dr Steel!

An exploration of debauchery, vice and other reasons to be a man!

An exploration of debauchery, vice and other reasons to be a man!